MONSANTO CORPORATION CEO ROBERT SHAPIRO GETS PIED BY THE BBB
Political pie-slingers on the move in San Francisco
For Immediate Release:
October 27, 1998 San Francisco -
THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OF ONE OF THE WORLD'S BIGGEST CORPORATIONS WAS STRUCK IN THE FACE WITH A TOFU CREME PIE ON TUESDAY NIGHT AT THE "STATE OF THE WORLD FORUM" CONFERENCE IN THE FAIRMONT HOTEL.
THE INCIDENT OCCURRED AFTER SHAPIRO GAVE A KEYNOTE ADDRESS ON THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF GENETIC ENGINEERING. THE "ANTI-GENETIX" SPLINTER FACTION OF THE BIOTIC BAKING BRIGADE (BBB) CLAIMED CREDIT FOR THE GUSTATORY ASSAULT, WHICH WAS CODE-NAMED "OPERATION SAFE HARVEST."
THE BBB IS ALIGNED WITH BELGIAN PIEMAN NOEL GODIN'S INTERNATIONAL PATISSERIE BRIGADE, WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR PIEING BILL GATES AND MANY OTHER DESERVING TARGETS. "
THE BIOTIC BAKING BRIGADE DOESN'T JUST PROMISE PIE IN THE SKY, WE DELIVER" SAID A BBB OPERATIVE NAMED APPLE, WHO SERVED AS SPECIAL AGENT-IN-CHARGE OF THIS OPERATION. CONTINUING ITS AUTUMN CAMPAIGN AGAINST CORPORATE CRIME, THE PIE INCIDENT WAS THE SECOND BBB OFFENSIVE THIS MONTH.
NOBEL LAUREATE NEOLIBERAL ECONOMIST MILTON FRIEDMAN SUFFERED THE SAME FATE AS SHAPIRO ON OCTOBER 9, 1998, AT THE MARRIOT HOTEL IN SAN FRANCISCO, DURING THE "SCHOOL CHOICE AND CORPORATE AMERICA" CONFERENCE. AFTER SHAPIRO GAVE HIS SPEECH AND LEFT THE STAGE, HE STOPPED TO ENGAGE IN A DIALOGUE WITH A HECKLER ON GENETIC ENGINEERING AND CORPORATE CRIME. IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT BBB FIELD AGENTS CUSTARD AND LEMON MERINGUE APPROACHED HIM AND LET FLY WITH TOFU CREME AND SWEET POTATO PIES, THE FIRST OF WHICH REACHED ITS TARGET. CUSTARD AND LEMON MERINGUE WERE DETAINED BY SECURITY AND ARRESTED BY SAN FRANCISCO POLICE.
CUSTARD HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH MISDEMEANOR BATTERY AND WILL APPEAR INCOURT WEDNESDAY MORNING, WHILE AT THIS TIME LEMON MERINGUE MAY BE RELEASED WITHOUT CHARGE.
THE VEGAN TOFU CREME PIE SYMBOLIZED THE MILLIONS OF ACRES OF MONSANTO'S GENETICALLY-ENGINEERED SOYBEAN CROPS AND OTHER "FRANKENFOODS" COMING TO HARVEST THIS SEASON, DANGEROUS FOODS WHICH PEOPLE HAVE BEEN POWERLESS TO STOP THUS FAR. THE SWEET POTATO PIE WAS TOSSED IN RECOGNITION OF THE RECENT NEW YORK TIMES SUNDAY MAGAZINE COVER STORY (OCTOBER 25), WHICH DETAILED THE FRAUD, DECEPTION, AND LEGACY OF POISON MONSANTO HAS GIVEN THE WORLD, USING THE GENETICALLY-ENGINEERED (GE) "NEW LEAF RUSSET BURBANK POTATO" AS AN EXAMPLE. "MONSANTO HAS ENGAGED IN RUTHLESS INTIMIDATION OF CRITICS; EMBARKED UPON AN AGGRESSIVE GLOBAL TAKEOVER OF SEED, CHEMICAL, AND PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, WITH AN AIM TO CONTROL WORLD FOOD DISTRIBUTION; AND IS CONDUCTING AN INTENSIVE PR "GREENWASH" CAMPAIGN IN ORDER TO PROMOTE ITSELF AS AN ECO-FRIENDLY CORPORATION.
WE WILL NOT BE FOOLED, AND WE WILL WAGE OUR GASTRONOMICAL STRUGGLE WITH EPICUREAN PASSION" SAID AGENT APPLE. "MONSANTO AND ITS SUBSIDIARIES HAVE SPREAD CHEMICAL DEATH ACROSS EVERY CONTINENT THROUGH PRODUCTS SUCH AS PCBS, AGENT ORANGE, BOVINE GROWTH HORMONE, NUTRASWEET, EQUAL, AND ROUNDUP (THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SELLING HERBICIDE). THE CORPORATION'S TOXIC SUPERFUND SITES POISON WORKERS AND COMMUNITY MEMBERS, AND ITS DIOXINS WILL CONTINUE TO CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS AND MAJOR HEALTH PROBLEMS FOR GENERATIONS TO COME." THE EPA HAS DESIGNATED MONSANTO AS A "POTENTIALLY RESPONSIBLE PARTY" AT 93 SUPERFUND SITES.
IN 1997 THE BBB PIED CORPORATE RAIDER CHARLES HURWITZ, CEO OF MAXXAM CORPORATION, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR LIQUIDATING THE HEADWATERS FOREST AND DEFRAUDING TAXPAYERS OF $1.6 BILLION DURING THE 1980'S SAVINGS & LOAN SCANDAL. HOLDING PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CRIMES THROUGH DELICIOUS MISCHIEF IS THE RAISON D'ETRE OF THE BBB.